


A Crack in the Wall: The Kylo Ren Story

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Young Ben Solo, also compliant with my other star wars fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:41:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23769421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kylo Ren is evil. This is an undisputable fact. The actions he has performed have caused enough misery to enough people to call him evil. People are not born evil; people do not wake up everyday and say I will be evil and do bad things and hurt people for no reason. They are created, circumstances make people who they are. Circumstances made Kylo Ren.Basically Kylo Ren was a boring villain so I'm giving him flavour!
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron & Leia Organa
Kudos: 1





	A Crack in the Wall: The Kylo Ren Story

**Author's Note:**

> I really frankly could not give less of a shit about the extended canon and to be completely honest I’ve only seen episodes IV, VII, VIII, and IX. So like technically this is only strictly based on the sequel trilogy lol. I’ve done my best to look up things and fill in the gaps but there might be inaccuracies. Also I’m not a Kylo apologist, I actually don’t find him that compelling of a villain. This is born because I wish they’d made him more fleshed out and interesting in the movies. Reylos can choke.

It is hard to know that good people can be bad parents. It is even harder to understand how the universe’s best people can neglect a child, so most of the resistance doesn’t bother trying. Kylo Ren is evil. This is an undisputable fact. The actions he has performed have caused enough misery to enough people to call him evil. People are not born evil; people do not wake up everyday and say I will be evil and do bad things and hurt people for no reason. They are created, circumstances make people who they are. Circumstances made Kylo Ren.

Ben Solo loved his mother, if the children hadn’t known he was General Leia’s son they would have bullied him. Whenever he had a pencil and a spare minute in the childcare groups of the republic base, he was drawing him and his mum. A little boy with a shaggy ponytail and the general with two buns on the sides of her head. Moving from base to base, wherever diplomatic missions called them, meant Ben never kept friends, not that he could make them in the first place.

Han never stuck around for long periods of time, whenever he came home, he would swing his son above his head asking how his little rebel was doing. His mother never spoke about the past, about the war, she focused her energy on the future, on leading, the New Republic was growing. But when his father was home, he would take Ben deep into the bowels of whatever ship he had come back on and tell him stories. They seemed like fantasy; Ben had only ever known relative peace. It was Han who first told Ben that Darth Vader was his grandfather.

As the years went on Han’s visits got longer. With the peace the New Republic brought there were less slimy underbellies to have mischievous hijinks in. Leia and Han weren’t fully cohabitating but they were seeing more of each other. Han’s stories also got more sparse, the full reality of having a child to care for were seeming to dawn on him. Both he and Leia were harsh on him, often pushing him well past breaking point. There was hardly a night Ben didn’t cry after doing assigned reading or target practice. His mother was grooming him into diplomacy, his father was teaching him to be a resistance fighter. He had to be the strongest and the best in his activities.

All of this was while his parents were around of course, many nights he slept in the quarters for children who’s parents were on away missions. Both of his on planet but too busy to cook or take care of him. His parents were important people, Ben couldn’t go a day without hearing that so he knew, he wished he were important enough to them. When either of them were on away missions he would cry himself to sleep worried for them. He knew tensions were beginning to heighten, he had heard secret rumblings of something in the far reaches.

In the year 19 ABY several things happened to Ben at the same time; he first starts to become force sensitive, Leia and Han separate, and Ben starts puberty. Han was home again, however it was far removed from the visits of his childhood. Han and Leia fought constantly, about the New Republic, about Leia’s jedi training, about Ben.

It was one of these fights that Ben was listening to. His room was dark, light and noise drifting under the door. He was staring at a small crack in the plaster of the wall. There had been a recent earthquake the house was more that capable of withstanding, but not without cracks. Leia’s voice had reached its maximum volume, Han was going to leave soon. Leia threw her chair back as she got up from the table. Ben raised his hands in frustration, pushing his fists away from his face. As the chair hit the floor the noise was hugely disproportionate. Plaster filled the air in an asphyxiating puff. Startled, both parents’ hands went to the blasters on their hips. After the cloud cleared, they were both looking through a hole in their living room at their son cowering in his bed.

As many little boys do at this time Ben became despondent. Many nights Ben was unable to fall asleep. He would often go days awake, filled with restless agitated energy until he passed out from exhaustion. None of his tutors could get him to do any work. Han, now gone again for good, left Leia to try and connect with their son. Leia never had a rebellious phase, never been afforded the opportunity. To her this seemed spoiled and immature of her son, from whom she had come to expect more. Once Ben tried to tell his mother how he was feeling.  
It’s like I’m trapped in a dark room and there’s this red light and it hurts my eyes but it’s the only light I have. Sometimes anger is all I feel all day, the rest is empty.  
This worried Leia deeply, though she never let Ben know. She still believed he didn’t know who his grandfather was and she planned to keep it that way until this phase passed. She pushed him harder into his studies, stopped listening to his complaints, demanding he find solutions to his problems rather than wallowing in them.

A young pilot was rising in the resistance base, Poe Dameron. Born to two seasoned Republic fighters, he was without compare when it came to flying but often made rash decisions that endangered himself and his ship. He was seventeen, too young still to fly for the resistance but soon he would be old enough and Leia was giving a great deal of thought to what to do when he was. She would be absolutely remiss to not use him, he was obviously passionate and talented, but he was also a liability.

Very rarely did Ben try to interfere in his mother’s business, he had long since learned that lesson. It seemed to him, though he would never admit it, that Leia treated Poe more like a son than she ever treated Ben. Ben was a project, to be constantly improved upon. Poe had seemingly burst forth fully formed and an amazing pilot, worthy of Leia’s love. Whenever Leia brought up Poe, Ben would feel a sourness he could not contain. Poe was hot headed and impulsive, he had no respect for the right order of things or any order at all, Ben and Leia would get in screaming matches. Incorrectly, Leia would accuse him of seeing his father in Poe, which said more about Leia than it did Ben.

In one of Luke’s visits, Leia suggested that Ben start Jedi training. He became the first few students Luke trained in an attempt to revive the Jedi Order. Jedi life invigorated Ben like none of his other studies or pursuits ever had. He worked above and beyond trying to hone his skill, the work ethic his parents had instilled in him coming out. He was often found lightsaber training in the rain, on days off, even when he was sick and not permitted to train with the other students. He had impeccable control of the physical aspects and studied deeply the history and sacred texts.

His primary struggle was with the other, more conceptual aspects of the force. He was not able to easily meditate and often became distracted and allowed his thoughts to wander. While many of his peers had formed strong bonds through the force and were able to sense each other and even communicate, this same connection did not come as easily to Ben.

It came as a shock to him then, as he was meditating, he heard a voice through the force. Communicating through the force is not as it is to communicate out loud, no words are exchanged. This voice was like a hardly leather, something of antiquity and strength. The voice conveyed to him the many great injustices of his life; his father who never loved him enough to stick around, his mother who loved the Republic and its fighters more than him, his uncle who saw him just as another pupil, his peers who all understood the force in a way he would never, his grandfather who must be disappointed that his linage was going to waste. For months this voice came to him, telling him the many ways his life was unsatisfactory. His sleeping, which had almost completely righted, was now constantly paraded by reminders of his awful state.

Several years into his training, and he had far surpassed the other students in most combative, physical uses of the force. He was a young man of nineteen, still practicing everyday to improve himself in his training, but he had long since become quietly disillusioned with the ways of the Jedi. They aimlessly pursued balance in the force but it seemed to him this balance could never come, or at least he would never be able to achieve it. It was becoming doubtful he would be able to complete his training as he seemed to lack fundamental abilities that his peers had, though he lied to compensate when he could.

He had in the intervening years, begun to converse with this voice in the force, he had come to call Snoke. He often looked to voice for guidance more than his uncle. His uncle would simply quote the texts, as if Ben had not spent years already pouring over them hoping for some answer. The voice told him that the Jedi did not have answers to the problems he faced, it seemed to him the voice was right. He was still in training as he knew nothing else, surely his mother would not take him back if he had failed in this too.

Snoke was no longer reminding him how unsatisfactory his life had been. He now told him how much better he deserved. Ben was undoubtably the best student under Luke, even with his shortcomings. He had worked hard to get where he was. His childhood had been robbed from him by the Republic, he deserved to make them pay for that. He trained to be a leader and a fighter from his first breath, it was anyone’s fault but his that he had turned out to be both.

In his sleep Snoke was encouraging Ben to leave the planet and to stop his Jedi training. Ben was scared of the disappointment from his parents and he still felt a duty to his uncle, they were his family, but he was wavering. He had spent years being fed this encouragement by Snoke, and he had never got any answers that seemed satisfactory from the Republic or the Jedi.

Luke, awake and meditating in his own hut felt these large fluctuations in the force. For a long time he had felt the darkness in Ben. He had done his best to guide him and always pointed Ben to the sacred texts and histories of the Jedi which had consoled him in times of doubt but Ben did not seem to be responding. Luke was certain that Ben had come too far to be saved and he grabbed his lightsaber and went to Ben’s hut.

Above Ben’s bed Luke raised his saber and the green light flickered out. Ben rolled over so he faced his uncle. Looking on the sleeping man’s face, Luke was reminded of the happy child he used to be, then of his sister and friend. He faltered. Ben’s eyes snapped open, darting from the lightsaber to Luke and back again as he screamed. Before Luke had any time to react, Ben was his fastest student, Ben drew his lightsaber to meet Luke’s. Ben had no desire to duel his uncle and he used the force to pull the rough walls of his hut in so he could get away. Still in his sleepwear and beginning to cry he ran to his ship. As he rushed to leave the atmosphere he looked back to see the other students beginning to crowd around the rubble of his old hut.

Snoke’s voice came to him again through the force. It guided him to somewhere that would be safe. It was one of the planets in the far reaches he could remember his mother talking disparagingly about. Snoke told him it was the haven of the Knights of Ren.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this consider giving my Last Jedi fic Love and Aftermath a look because it inspired this fic and is sort of in line with what I want to do.


End file.
